Walking through the mall yesterday, I glanced into the window at MAC and saw a former co-worker from Starbucks. I hadn’t seen him or heard anything since I left last year. This guy was one of my favorite co-workers. I stood up for him on multiple occasions, both to superiors and customers. Something I wouldn’t do for just anyone.
Still, when I saw him yesterday, I just hurried past. I was thankful he didn’t seem to notice me.
I have an intense fear of being forgotten, which might seem strange given my behavior. But, see, I won’t know if I’ve been forgotten if I don’t say anything.
Maybe even worse than being forgotten, I also worry about making people feel uncomfortable or awkward. This always seems to happen when I run into old acquaintances who, most of the time, pretend they don’t see me unless I shout and wave my arms about like a crazy person. I don’t know what it is about me, but I seem to make people nervous without even trying. I want desperately to speak with these friends again, but I can’t bear the intense anxiety my mere presence seems to provoke.
Old friends can’t even seem to stand me on the Internet to the point that I’ve stopped trying to reach out to them when I stumble across their facebook pages because they never write back. I just stare longingly at my friends’ profile images for a moment, trying to suss out if that is their baby on their lap or not but I don’t dare write to them.
Their uneasiness would make me feel even worse than my ignorance.
